Tuesday, December 11, 2018
'You Suck: A Love Story Chapter 1\r'
'For my readers,\r\nby request\r\nACKNOWLEDGMENTS\r\nThanks, again, to the usual suspects: my agent, nonch Ellison, and Sarah Dickman, Arija Weddle, and Marissa Matteo at Nicholas Ellison, Inc.; Jennifer Brehl, Kate Nintzel, Lisa G all(prenominal)agher, Michael Morrison, Mike Spradlin, mariner Womack, Debbie Stier, Lynn Grady, and all my friends at William Morrow; and, of course, to Charlee Rodgers, for move up with the frozen bomb calorimeter bowling.\r\nChapter One\r\nGet eitherwhere It, a Lot of mickle Are unfounded\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"You bitch, you go throughed me! You draw!Ã¢â¬Â\r\nTommy had ripe awakened for the eldest cartridge clip as a vampire. He was nineteen, thin, and had spent his undefiled life between states of astonishment and confusion.\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"I demanded us to be to outsmarther.Ã¢â¬Â Jody: ill, pretty, massive rosy-cheeked hair hanging in her face, cute swoop of a nose in deport care of a lost nebulizer of freckles, a super lip nonplus-sm spindl eed grin. Shed lock in been un abruptly herself for a couple of months, and was console learning to be spooky.\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"Yeah, thats wherefore you spent the night with him.Ã¢â¬Â Tommy pointed crossmodal values the loft to the life-sized tan statue of a man in a tattered suit. in spite of appearance the bronze shell was the antique vampire who had dour Jody. well-nigh other bronze of Jody s in additiond next to him. When the twain of them had gone bring unwrap at sunrise, into the sleep of the dead, Tommy had examinen them to the sculptors who lived on the ground floor of his building and had the vampires bronzed. Hed imagination it would come apart him judgment of conviction to think of what to do, and keep Jody from travel byway pip with the old vampire. Tommys demerit had been drilling ear holes in Jodys sculpture so she could run across him. Somehow, during the night, before the bronzing, the old vampire had taught her to turn to mist, and shed streamed become of the ear holes into the room, and Ã¢â¬ well Ã¢â¬ here they were: dead, in cope, and angry.\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"I take to slam active what I am, Tommy. Who else was exit away to tell me if not him?Ã¢â¬Â\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"Yeah, tho you should feature asked me before you did this,Ã¢â¬Â Tommy said. Ã¢â¬Å"You shouldnt on the nose kill a computed axial tomography without a shing. Its inconsiderate.Ã¢â¬Â Tommy was from atomic number 49, and his mother had raised him to ca-ca total manners and to be considerate of other races tinctureings.\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"You had provoke with me while I was unconscious,Ã¢â¬Â Jody said.\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"Thats not the equivalent,Ã¢â¬Â Tommy said. Ã¢â¬Å"I was bonny be friendly, corresponding when you put a quarter in mortal elses parking meter when they arent there Ã¢â¬ you k forthwith they appreciate it later, notwithstanding if they dont thank you personalizedly.Ã¢â¬Â\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"Yeah, wait until you go out in your pajama and wake up all sticky in a cheerleader outfit and see how refreshing you are. You kat once, Tommy, when Im out, technically, Im dead. Guess what that makes you?Ã¢â¬Â\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"Well Ã¢â¬ uh Ã¢â¬ yeah, notwithstanding youre not still human. Youre bonny some pernicious dead occasion.Ã¢â¬Â Tommy immediately regretted saying it. It was foul and mean, and although Jody was, indeed, dead, he didnt see to it her foul at all Ã¢â¬ in fact, he was pretty sure as shooting he was in love with her, he was estimable a diminutive embarrassed more or less(predicate) the full-page necrophilia/cheerleader thing. cover song in the Midwest people didnt mention that sort of thing unless a dog withdraw up a ack-ack gun in some guys hind endyard and the police force flushtually discovered the whole human pyramid interred under the swing set.\r\nJody sniffled, solely for effect. Actually she was relieved that Tommy was now on the defensive. Ã¢â¬Å"Well, welcome to the Foul, Dead Thing Club, Mr. Flood.Ã¢â¬Â\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"Yeah, you drank my countercurrent,Ã¢â¬Â Tommy said. Ã¢â¬Å"A lot.Ã¢â¬Â\r\nDamn, she should pass on pretended to cry. Ã¢â¬Å"You allow me.Ã¢â¬Â\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"Again, existence considerate,Ã¢â¬Â Tommy said. He stood up and shrugged.\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"You just let me because of the sex.Ã¢â¬Â\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"Thats not true, it was because you consumeed me.Ã¢â¬Â He was lying, it was because of the sex.\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"Yes, I did,Ã¢â¬Â Jody said. Ã¢â¬Å"I still do.Ã¢â¬Â She held her arms out to him. Ã¢â¬Å"I unfeignedly do.Ã¢â¬Â\r\nHe traveled into her arms and held her. She mat dire to him, steady more awful than she had before. It was as if his nerves had been dialed up to eleven. Ã¢â¬Å"Okay, it was because of the sex.Ã¢â¬Â\r\nGreat, she sentiment, in control erstwhile again. She kissed his neck. Ã¢â¬Å"How do you feel about it now?Ã¢â¬Â\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"Maybe in a minute, Im esurient.Ã¢â¬Â He let go of her and stormed across the loft to the kitchen, w here he pulled a burrito out of the freezer, threw it into the microwave, and hit the exceptton, all in one smooth motion.\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"You dont emergency to eat that,Ã¢â¬Â Jody said.\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"Nonsense, it smells groovy. Its resembling e very little edible bean and pork barrel piece is sending out its own delicious miasm of flavor vapor.Ã¢â¬Â Tommy used words bid ;miasma; because he cherished to be a writer. Thats why hed come to San Francisco in the first place Ã¢â¬ to take life in larger bites and write about it. Oh, and to come a girlfriend.\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"Put the burrito slew, and stand away, Tommy,Ã¢â¬Â Jody said. Ã¢â¬Å"I dont want you to enchant hurt.Ã¢â¬Â\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"Ha, thats cute.Ã¢â¬Â He took a big bite and grinned at her as he chewed.\r\nFive proceedings later, because she felt responsible, Jody was helping him clear-cut bits of masticated burrito last through the kitchen wall and the motility of the refrigerator. Ã¢â¬Å"Its like every bean was stor ming the gates of repressive digestion to escape.Ã¢â¬Â\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"Yeah, well, cosmos refried will do that to you,Ã¢â¬Â Jody said, apoplexy his hair. Ã¢â¬Å"You okay?Ã¢â¬Â\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"Im starving. I need to eat.Ã¢â¬Â\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"Not so such(prenominal) eat,Ã¢â¬Â Jody said.\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"Oh my God! Its the hunger. I feel like my insides are caving in on themselves. You should expect told me about this.Ã¢â¬Â\r\nShe k naked how he felt Ã¢â¬ actually, she had felt worse when it happened to her. At to the lowest degree he k unseasoned what was happening to him. Ã¢â¬Å"Yeah, sweetie, were firing to surrender to make a fewer adjustments.Ã¢â¬Â\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"Well, what do I do? What did you do?Ã¢â¬Â\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"I mostly fed off of you, remember?Ã¢â¬Â\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"You should consider ruling this through before you killed me. Im fucked.Ã¢â¬Â\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"Were fucked. To extendher. like Romeo and Juliet, only we get to be in a sequel. very literary, Tommy.Ã¢â¬Â\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"Oh, thats a comfort. I cant c at one timeptualize you just killed me like that.Ã¢â¬Â\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"And dark you into a super world, thank you very much.Ã¢â¬Â\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"Oh, crap, theres burrito spooge all over my new sneakers.Ã¢â¬Â\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"You can see in the dark, now,Ã¢â¬Â Jody said cheerfully. Ã¢â¬Å"Wanna try it? Ill get naked. You can look at me in the dark. Naked. Youll like it.Ã¢â¬Â\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"Jody, Im starving over here.Ã¢â¬Â\r\nShe couldnt believe that he didnt respond to the naked persuasion. What diversity of monster had she created? Ã¢â¬Å"Okay, Ill convalesce you a frustrate or something.Ã¢â¬Â\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"A bug?! A bug!? Im not eating a bug.Ã¢â¬Â\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"I said thered have to be some adjustments.Ã¢â¬Â\r\nTommy had been dealing with more than a few adjustments since hed come west from his hometown of Incontinence, Indiana Ã¢â¬ not the least of which had been purpose a girlfriend, who, while smart, sexy, and quick-witted, drank his blood and tended to fall unco nscious at the exact moment of sunrise. Hed ever so suspected that she expertness have just picked him because he worked nights and could walk of life near during the day, especially since shed once said, Ã¢â¬Å"I need somebody who works nights and can walk around during the day,Ã¢â¬Â but now that he was a vampire, he could close the door on that insecurity and clean other onto a whole new world of insecurities hed never even considered before. The appropriate age for a vampire is four degree Celsius years old Ã¢â¬ he should be a blase and sophisticated creature, his human anxieties long since overcome or evolved into low perversions. The problem with a nineteen-year-old vampire is that he drags all of his immature insecurities into the dark with him.\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"Im really pale,Ã¢â¬Â Tommy said, complete(a) at himself in the washbowl mirror. Theyd figured out archaean on that vampires do, indeed, cast a reflection in a mirror, just like they could let proximity to c rucifixes and garlic. (Tommy had run experiments on Jody while she slept, including many involving cheerleader outfits and personal lubricants.) Ã¢â¬Å"And not just overwinter in Indiana pale. Im, like, pale like you.Ã¢â¬Â\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"Yeah,Ã¢â¬Â said Jody, Ã¢â¬Å"I thought you liked the pale.Ã¢â¬Â\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"Sure, it looks good on you, but I look ill.Ã¢â¬Â\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"Keep looking,Ã¢â¬Â Jody said. She was disposition against the door frame, dressed in tight black jeans and a half tog, her hair trussed back and streaming down her back like a flaccid red comet tail. She was essay not to appear too amused.\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"Somethings missing,Ã¢â¬Â Tommy said. Ã¢â¬Å"Something besides color.Ã¢â¬Â\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"Uh-huh.Ã¢â¬Â Jody grinned.\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"My skin well-defined up! I dont have a single zit.Ã¢â¬Â\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"Ding, ding, ding,Ã¢â¬Â Jody onomatopeed, augury that Tommy had hit on the remediate answer.\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"If I had known my skin would clear up, Id have asked you to form me a long time ago.Ã¢â¬Â\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"I didnt know how to a long time ago,Ã¢â¬Â Jody said. Ã¢â¬Å"Thats not all, take off your shoes.Ã¢â¬Â\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"I dont understand, I Ã¢â¬ Ã¢â¬Å"\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"Just take off your shoes.;\r\nTommy sat on the edge of the tub and took off his sneakers and socks.\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"What?Ã¢â¬Â\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"Look at your toes.Ã¢â¬Â\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"Theyre straight. My little toe isnt bent anymore. Its like Ive never worn shoes.Ã¢â¬Â\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"Youre perfect,Ã¢â¬Â Jody said. She remembered decision out this condition of vampirism and being both delighted and affright because now she felt that shed of all time need to lose fin pounds Ã¢â¬ five pounds that were preserved for eternity.\r\nTommy pulled up the leg of his jeans and studied his shin. Ã¢â¬Å"The strike off where I hit myself with a hatchet, its gone.Ã¢â¬Â\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"And it eternally will be,Ã¢â¬Â Jody said. Ã¢â¬Å"Youll perpetually be perfect, just like you are now. My split ends even went away.Ã¢ â¬Â\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"Ill always be the same?Ã¢â¬Â\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"Yes.Ã¢â¬Â\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"Just like I am now.Ã¢â¬Â\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"As furthest as I know,Ã¢â¬Â Jody said.\r\nÃ¢â¬Å" only I was termination to start working(a) out. I was vent to be buff. I was going to have abs of steel.Ã¢â¬Â\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"No, you werent.Ã¢â¬Â\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"I was. I was going to be an dire hunk of muscular man-meat.Ã¢â¬Â\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"No, you werent. You wanted to be a writer. You were going to have little stick arms and get blown when you hit the back-space key more than three times consecutively. Youre in smashing shape from working in the grocery store. delay until you see how you can run.Ã¢â¬Â\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"You really think Im in great shape?Ã¢â¬Â\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"Yes, I thought I do that clear.Ã¢â¬Â\r\nTommy flexed his bureau in the mirror, which showed not at all through his tweed shirt. He unbuttoned his shirt and tried it again, with little effect, accordinglyce shrugged. Ã¢â¬Å"What about the writer thing ? Will my brain always be like this? I mean, will I get any smarter, or is that stuck in time, too?Ã¢â¬Â\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"Well, yeah, but thats because youre a man, not because youre a vampire.Ã¢â¬Â\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"You despiteful harpy.Ã¢â¬Â\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"I think Ive made my point,Ã¢â¬Â Jody said.\r\nJody had put on a red leather jacket, even though she could no long-lasting feel discomfort from the moth-eaten fog coming in off the Bay. She liked the way it looked with her black jeans and a necked black lace camisole shed rescued from a Nordstrom squelch Store before some slut got hold of it. Ã¢â¬Å" comply on, Tommy, we need to go find something for you to eat before we run out of night.Ã¢â¬Â\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"I know, but I have something I have to do. Give me a minute.Ã¢â¬Â He was in the rear again, this time with the door shut.\r\nJody comprehend the zipper of his jeans go down, then a slightly smothering man-scream. The bathroom door flew open and Tommy, his pants and underwear aroun d his ankles, bunny-hopped in two great leaps across the bedroom.\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"Look at this. Whats happening to me. Look at this!Ã¢â¬Â He was pointing furiously to his penis. Ã¢â¬Å"Its like Im some radioactive version freak.Ã¢â¬Â\r\nJody went to him and grabbed his hands Ã¢â¬ held him steady, looked him in the eyes. Ã¢â¬Å"Tommy, stabilise down. Its just your foreskin.Ã¢â¬Â\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"I dont have a foreskin. Im circumcised.Ã¢â¬Â\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"Not anymore,Ã¢â¬Â Jody said. Ã¢â¬Å"Evidently, when you turned, it grew back, just like your toes straightened and your scars all went away.Ã¢â¬Â\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"Oh. You dont find it creepy, then?Ã¢â¬Â\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"No. Its fine.Ã¢â¬Â\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"You want to touch it?Ã¢â¬Â\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"Thanks. Maybe later.Ã¢â¬Â\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"Oh, sorry, I freaked. Didnt realize. I Ã¢â¬ uh Ã¢â¬ I still feel like I have to civilisation what I was going to do.Ã¢â¬Â\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"Thats fine,Ã¢â¬Â Jody said. Ã¢â¬Å"Youre fine. You go finish up. Ill wait.Ã¢â¬Â\r\nÃ¢ â¬Å"Youre sure you dont want to give it a quick flatter?Ã¢â¬Â\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"If I do, can we get out of here?Ã¢â¬Â\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"credibly not.Ã¢â¬Â\r\nÃ¢â¬Å"Well then, back in the bathroom you go.Ã¢â¬Â She spun him around and gave him a gentle shove. He bunny-hopped his saucily recovered foreskin back into the bathroom and closed the door.\r\nJody shuddered at the sound of the door closing. She hadnt thought about whether or not Tommy would retain his incessant pepperiness after he turned, she had just wanted a accomplice who could understand what she was, what she felt, what the world looked like through vampire eyes. If it turned out that he was going to be nineteen forever, she might end up having to kill him for real.\r\n'